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Giving thanks

things to be thankful for:

A God that holds us close and promises that we will see my mom again.

A strong, yet sensitive dad who lives close

Modern medicines and doctors that have helped my mom a lot during her life

In-patient Hospice that keeps my mom comfortable

A brother and aunt who come to the rescue

A husband who anticipates what i need without me saying it

An amazing group of friends and family who run errands, watch my girls, and text me encouragement

A mother who used to play Willie Nelson for me when I had chronic ear aches, who used to “bring me around the corner” when I could not sleep, and who called me her “little Lucy”

I have a lot to be thankful for.

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A song for the day

Nothing has changed too much with my mom and I will not go into all the terrible details that go along with a person who is dying. It is amazing how quickly we have learned the signs and symptoms of death in just a few days though.

It has been a nice few days with family in. It is a sweet time of spending time together and remembering better days. There is nothing like family when this valley comes. And each of us are strong in different areas. One can write the obituary, when the other cant even look at it,but then the other can comfort dad in a better way than anyone else. We are all finding our strengths and how we are able to help.

The doctor told us yesterday morning that she is not quite ready yet. It might be a few more days, but then again things can change quickly. Every little thing sets our hearts pounding at hospice. Unfortunately, I have been witness to two families there finding out that their loved one had passed. It was so tragic and painful no matter how much you think you are prepared.

This is the song that I have been listening to over and over again. It lifts my spirit and I can just picture my mom singing it in her head.

I’ll fly away

Friday update

First of all I want to make sure that everyone knows how much we appreciate all the prayers and messages that we are receiving. I may not be able to respond to everything but I am reading them and passing them on to mom and the family. We all feel very loved on. So many people are helping with my girls and everything. We feel so blessed.

Mom is about the same. Seems comfortable and peaceful. They are wonderful about meds here. I have always been told how wonderful hospice was but now I am experiencing it first hand.

David brought my girls in last night to say goodbye. It was very difficult but wonderful at the same time. They had colored bright pictures for her and we hung them on the wall. She was alert and looked at each one. At one point Sierra started to cry pretty hard and mom looked at her and said “oh poor honey”. It was so sweet. David was singing a silly song to her and she raised her hands and wiggled a little. It was the most interaction that we have gotten. I know that the girls will remember it always.

We are beginning to make final arrangements for her which of course is difficult. We always think that being Christians we know that she is going to a better place and that should help us not feel so sad but really we still feel so sad. Yes we will see her again. Yes there are no migraines in heaven. Yes she will see Jesus face to face but we will still miss her. That is the way it works. Even Christians grieve. Duh. Stating the obvious right?

Anyway, thanks again for everything. Please pray especially hard for my dad. He will have a very very hard time through this whole time.

Resting

This hospice place is amazing. So beautiful and so peaceful. Mom is resting peacefully now. We are taking turns staying with her and going home to sleep.

For all of you who love her so much, I have included a picture of her sleeping in her room.

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…sigh…

At 6:30pm tonight mom will be entering an inpatient hospice care facility in buffalo. It has been a very long two days in which mom’s kidney functions are deteriorating, she has been completely incoherent and other complications.

My brother, Phil, my aunt, Joan, and my cousin Matt have all come into town. After meeting with the doctors and various other staff members, we were all in agreement that mom was ready to stop fighting. The doctor has given her between 2-14 days. It is something that every family goes through, but no one ever wants to.

Everyone has been so sweet and so incredibly supportive here. We have met with the woman from hospice and she has told us what a wonderful place it is. Quiet, private and large rooms. We can even bring in mom’s sweet Rex, her cat, if we want to. It sounds like a restful place for her. They will continue to make her as comfortable as possible.

I am so sorry to all of the wonderful people in mom’s life that need to find out this way. I made a few phone calls today, but we are all emotionally drained at this point.

I want everyone to know that mom is resting peacefully now. She is not communicating or responding but she is peaceful. …and that is the way she will remain.

The family is doing as well as to be expected. Mom has been fighting a long time and we all know that she is tired. Does that make it less sad? Not really. We are a family of roller coasters right now. Laughing, crying, laughing, crying!!

Thankfully, my mom loves Jesus very much and knows that her eternal home is Heaven. No more sorrow and no more pain. What a wonderful thing for mom. Pastor Dick came in and prayed with the family over my mom. It was a beautiful time.

I need to go and get my third, fourth,etc…. Cup of coffee of the day.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers.

Praises:
Family is here and very supportive of each other
Staff here has been exceptional
Mom will be going to a much better place very soon

Prayers:
Where do I start?
That mom feels no pain
That the staff at this new place would be as wonderful as we have heard
For strength for the family
For comfort over the next few days
Whatever else that you can think of to prayer for….keep them coming.

Here we go again….

I know that everyone cringes now when they see a blog from me. I won’t take it personally. It just means that something is wrong with mom again. There is really no need to update the blog when my mom is home and doing ok. Basically, she reads, watches some tv and sleeps. That does not make for an interesting post.

However, things have changed once again. While I was in NYC this past weekend I got a text from dad saying that mom had a fever again. She was not interested in going to the hospital, which is understandable in her situation. However, the doctor did want her to be admitted every time her fever went up. After she passed out on the bedroom floor, David and I were able to help her understand the importance of her going in on Sunday afternoon when i got home. She was unable to walk to the car so an ambulance came.

Since that time her fever has been up and down, her oxygen was low, counts are low, and due to several heavy duty medications they put her on, she was somewhat incoherent. They knew there was some infection in her body and the “game” of finding it or just treating it began. Fortunately, (and unfortunately) they were able to pinpoint it pretty quickly. She was not urinating. I won’t go into detail here due to her privacy, but the bottom line was that she needed a catheter and did not successful get one until tonight. By that time she was in a lot of pain and the surgeon said there was a lot of infection.

Hopefully, now, the correct antibiotics can be given to her and she can begin to heal again. For now, she is on some meds to relax her and ease the pain. Obviously, she is very tired of all of these trips to the hospital, but her body just can’t heal itself anymore.

I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have your body, which is supposed to heal itself and fight off infection, go against you. The scary part is that she is on the lowest dose of Revlimid offered and her counts are still dropping and opening her up to these infections. Not sure what is going to happen now, but hopefully we will know more tomorrow.

Praise:
They found the infection quickly and can now treat it effectively
Finally got the catheter in.
She is on her favorite floor and her favorite wing at Roswell (5 west is best!!)

Prayers:
For peace of mind for mom
For guidance and wisdom for her doctor and nurses
For relief of pain
For my dad. This is very difficult for him.

Saturday

My momma is home!! She is feeling good and her counts continue to rise slowly. She was so happy and so was their cat. 🙂 David and I brought her home and got her settled. My dad might be going home tomorrow if things look good in the morning. That is definitely sooner than we anticipated. The antibiotics are working well and he is in much less pain. He is still exhausted, but anyone who has spent any time in the hospital knows that you can’t sleep there. (especially when you have a loud roommate like he does).

The best news is that my aunt will be able to come in and stay with them for the week to help. That is a huge answer to my prayers. This next week is my busiest week at work of the whole year. It puts all of our minds at rest to know that she will be here to make sure they are doing well. My brother has also offered to come so we are well taken care of.

There have been so many answered prayers in the last few days. It was a very dark time, with a lot of stress and uncertainty. I can’t even imagine going through the last week with out the comfort and peace of the Lord. Did I still get upset and worried? Definitely! Would I have been more upset and worried if I did not trust in the Lord? Definitely!

Thanks for everyone’s prayers and comments. They are what got us through.

Praises:
Mom is home and doing well
Dad may be going home tomorrow and in less pain
I praise God for my husband and the amazing support he is to me
My aunt is able to come in for the week

Prayers:
Dad would continue to improve and be able to go home tomorrow